fuck.

you didn't see their faces

my throat is burning

a hole in the roof of my mouth

i shouldn't have done it

i can watch people in and out

in and out in and out

we won't be poor anymore

i will pay for their oldness

and my sister's education

you'll love it

watch sick people come

inandoutinandout

you'd be great with kids

scared sad little kids 

kids with band-aids and bruises

coming inandoutinandout

like waves from the sea -

arm in a cast,

no past

no present

burning future

do you feel lost?

so lost -

dear Em,

I like your poem, the one about the little boat?

you come up with the best words  -

L.Z.E. 

i flew away one day

came back

set myself on fire and burned

the whole night through

watched words come back

and loved all of you

and hurt my blood

with thoughts of flood

and i tore my hair out

but it grew back 

i grew it back for you

i miss you

i love you

i'm a ghost

burnt toast

with fucked up shit in my veins

and kicking soda cans around in my brain -

stupid chemicals - 

i love you.